Don't say goodbye! Don't do it! I'm never going to leave! No, I'm not going anywhere.

Boy I'm in an odd mood. I feel depressed and anxious and tired and suicidal and angry at the same time.


Why~!? Who knows! There's too many problems with me! With being a depressed 14 year old! I'm all kinds of messed up in the head and I'm hardly ever happy without some sort of reason to be sad. If I'm happy, then there is something to lose. The only way to be happy is to be sad. Paradoxes are annoying in this way.

No, no. This is a terrible state of mind! I realize this, but it won't go away. How will it ever go away? I know it will when I get older, but will I make it then? Goddamnit. I hate deciding things for myself, I really fucking do. I wish I could just have someone tell me everything so I never have to worry. But it don't work that way, nope.

Don't ask me where I'm going because I could never prove that! Nothing I ever say has any justification so don't ever listen to me and don't ever take my advice. I'm easily broken, and never truly mended. Does that make ANY sense? No! Damnit, this is all crap!

How I EVER got this far is a mystery! I don't want to be here, I don't want to move forward. Can't I just live in the past; those past?

No. No no no no. This is also bad thinking. It won't go away but I want it to. No matter what, all I ever think about is that stupid person. I have terrible nightmares. I want to, but I can't get over it! Will I ever?

Bad thinking, bad. Stupid thoughts won't go away. I cannot be rational like I would hope to, I am actually most irrational? Oh look at me, at how impressionable I am. It's pitiful.

I wish I had something to say for myself, but all of these opinions are just jumbled amounts of others. I've truly no opinion of my own. No direction. Nowhere to go, so I just go after others ideas.

Why did I say all this? I don't know! I just needed to get it out! I hate this writing and no one's going to read it anyways.